Mir Da'len Somniar
by Maria1432
Summary: Ir abelas my Fáelán. I have failed you. Mala suledin nadas. Ar lath Da'len. Find your father Da'len. Dirthara and find him. Fen'Harel ma ghilana Da'len.
1. Chapter 1

Mir Da'len Somniar

AN: So, this is my first time writing after reading some amazing works and I ask that if you review you be as brutal as you need be if you are giving constructive criticism. I welcome and appreciate the help in making myself a better writer.

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age because if I did the inquisitor would most certainly have had a harem . . . just saying.

"We'll start simple. I will ask you questions. You will answer them. If you lie."

She snaps her fingers and another woman emerges from the shadows and punches me soundly in the jaw.

Well be a bitch then. Wait, why the fuck are you even hitting me? What do you want? Why am I tied up? What the Fu…dammit my jaw hurts.

"Cassandra will hit you. If you do not answer."

She snaps her fingers again and another punch follows. This time she targets my shoulder wound.

Fuck you. Sweet Andraste that hurts.

"Cassandra will hit you. If you do anything other than what I tell you to…"

I feel like patronizing her so this time I snap my fingers before she can.

"Cassandra will hit me?"

The red head pauses and glares at me. I look towards Cassandra when no blow comes this time.

"No, so only when she snaps her fingers? That's no fun."

Three days. Three days with the pleasant company of Cassandra and Leliana. Well two days with Cassandra present. That third day was just myself and the master spy. I hadn't spoken, since that outburst, throughout the duration of my torture. For Pahari I kept my mouth shut and endured. My final act of love for her, I'd thought at the time.

Day 1

She has been interrogating me all morning. Or at least she has been attempting to. The pain is mind numbing so I don't have to try hard to block her out. Also, I am sure I have a concussion that has provided me with pretty colors and a pleasant floaty feeling.

Cassandra hits hard and seemingly does not tire. She does hurt though, like any normal being and has had to switch from punching me to kicking me. Equally as hard might I add?

Leliana has not struck me yet but I know that she will in time and then the true challenge will begin. For Pahari I will not speak. For Pahari I will endure. For myself I will slap Pahari. I truly love the woman and yet she not only has turned away from me, taking my heart with her but she also begged me to fight by her side one last time before we part ways.

Love will make you do stupid things. Very stupid things. Stupid things like allowing yourself to be used like a training dummy. Damn you Pahari.

'Augh! Fenhedis'

"Stop Cassandra."

A blade at my thigh brings an abrupt end to my trembling. I may be a woman with nothing hanging that far down but there's no way I will risk a slip of the hand so near to there. That one hurt and it's just my luck that they would find that.

_-_Flashback_-_

Pahari and I, we had entered the fade itself. A seemingly endless roiling void. I'd felt both completely filled to the brim with power and devoid of all else. Pahari had lost consciousness when we hit the ground. Well when she hit the ground. My world flipped onto its side and tossed me onto a wall. As soon as I stood gravity hit me from four separate directions and suspended me in midair. I've been grabbed by a Giant and this pressure far surpassed that. My world spun again before deciding on how to sit itself and dropped me beside my Pahari. She was out and while I wanted badly to wake her, another problem arose in the form of my greatest fear.

Spiders. And not just spiders. Demon spiders. And not just demon spiders. Giant demon spiders. And not just giant demon spiders. Giant demon spiders heading straight for us, already very close and me without a weapon.

By the time I got to my feet and lifted my Pahari, one was close enough to bite my thigh. Its body weighed down my legs leaving me only with my arms to protect both myself and Pahari. The damn thing wasn't letting go either. It bit down hard and then came the poison. That seemed to wake me up. In seconds I was thrusting my dagger into its head and twisting. My dagger that I hadn't just had. Where the Hell did it even come from?

From then all of it becomes a blur. Hopping along, dropping Pahari several times as I stumbled. Shooting arrow after arrow into the heads of the vile creatures. Falling again, this time unable to get up but luckily no longer being chased. I come too in my Pahari's arms as she tries to pull the both of us up a hill. At the top stands a woman, behind us dozens of spiders pursue. I help her climb, no way do I die by these things.

She reaches for the woman and I fall unconscious, again.

I awake to four swords pointed at myself and my Pahari. If they believe for a moment that I will let them harm her they are mistaken. Slowly and clumsily I stand and draw my daggers. One of my daggers, the other is missing, strange. They come at me and I hold my own. They all go down before an arrow shoots through my shoulder. The pain is too much and when I go down this time I do not wake for some time.

_-_Flashback_-_

"The poison will take her leg. We will simply allow it. Perhaps even help it along. Unless you'd like to cooperate now."

Not a word. My silence is my final act of love

Day 2

I can't feel my foot. I must have been asleep when I lost the feeling in my toes because when I awake I can't feel my entire fucking foot. Damn Spiders. I will not lose my leg by you either.

I haven't eaten since the morning we left for the conclave. I'd been both excited to see what would happen as well as depressed over what my Pahari had told me the night before. When I had my heart ripped out.

_-_Flashback_-_

"We can't do this anymore Fáelán."

"Do what?"

I had thought she was joking with me. She did that often, I loved her sense of humor and she loved to play her little jokes. As of late she was becoming more stiff and that spark was leaving her eyes. I would do anything I could to make her smile.

"Fáelán, emma lath,(my love) what is between us must end. We've had our fun. It is time I look for a husband and get serious. As the clan mage, I must prove myself loyal, in control and mature. Else they will make me leave and replace me with someone worthier."

My world had slowly begun to crumble with every word. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't see. I couldn't think. She always came to me with her worries. She always confided in me. This was not like those times though. I could see in her eyes that she did not want me to convince her that she was wrong and that everything was going to be all right. She wanted me to accept this. NO!

"First, what this is between us is not just fun to me. It is more than that and I know that it is the same for you. Secondly you don't like men so finding a husband is not something you will ever be able to accomplish. A husband and wife are supposed to love each other unconditionally and be a team. Even if he fulfills his part you will never be able to. Third, this clan saved you as a child and practically raised you. I doubt they would cast you aside so flippantly. Finally, I love you and you love me so even if they did, which they never would, I would be by your side and we would leave together."

I was pleading. Not outright but my voice made it obvious. She couldn't do this to us. I wouldn't let her hurt the both of us like this. While I had my own selfish reasons, I knew she wouldn't be able to cope with her own decision.

"Fáelán!"

Andraste no. please no. not that tone. Don't do this Pahari

"The clan sees your love for me. The food you bring me during lessons, the trail of flowers to my tent…"

Our tent Pahari. Ours!

"…The smith speaks of the grand orders you make. Weapons with my name engraved, a staff of great power and great cost. If I were anyone else they would not worry but I am the second in command and the only mage of considerable power. My loyalty must be to the clan before all else. With you being the only other mage you need to concentrate more on your studies than me. Your potential is far greater than my own and yet you ignore it all together."

You know why.

"I know why that is and that is also a problem. Our loyalty is to the clan first. You cannot ignore your strength and potential just so that I will have a prominent place in the clan. You could be so much better than me. You are what the clan deserves, what they need!"

"Shut up."

"What?"

"Shut up. Shut up. Shut up! I can't believe this. I am dreaming, this is another dream. The demons of the fade are preying on my fears. I am sick of this nightmare. End it now!"

"Fáelán? Demons have been preying on you in your dreams? Why haven't you told anyone? Why didn't you tell me!?"

This isn't one of my nightmares. I know I am wake. I want to blame demons for ma vhenan doing this to me but I know the truth. I can't be here any longer.

"Very well. If it is your desire I will forget this…this fun that we had. It will end and I will leave you be."

_-_Flashback_-_

"Leliana, I do not believe she is still with us."

I feel her come closer. Her course fingers grazing the wound on my thigh. Observing it, then plunging three fingers into it as she squeezes my thigh in a death grip. I don't feel it. I watch my black blood run down her forearm before spilling onto the floor. She releases her grip and squeezes again, repeating until I begin to feel dizzy. With the dizziness comes pain in my thigh. The blood dripping from her elbow slowly becoming a more normal red. The clearer it becomes the more pain I feel and while I stay silent I cannot remain stone faced. Tears begin to trail down my face, cutting paths through the blood and filth and my body is trembling uncontrollably. I simply do not care if they see me now.

Ar lasa ma dara (I let you go)

I ignore them as they both leave. My body is floating and I do not know how much time has passed before I hear someone, two someone's, approaching. Two men walk in. Both wrinkle their noses as they enter the room. When they spot me the elvhen man takes on a look of remorseful disbelief while the durgen'lin (dwarf) looks furious and apologetic.

"Told ya chuckles"

Day 3

They stayed with me all night. Like myself, Serah Tethras knew what three days with no answers meant. I had exhausted my grace period. Today Leliana would come alone, Cassandra dismissed. She would live up to her reputation and I will have my resolve tested. I could only beg the maker for either a swift demise or for the heavy numb feeling taking over my body to accelerate.

"Ma ady vara" (You should leave)

"Ar'an ju" (we will)

"Mala" (now)

"Don't forget about the dwarf in the room princess"

He has taken to calling me princess. He also stood under me for a half hour and let me sit on his shoulders to relieve some of the stress in mine. In return I have begun to call him my father. I'm dying soon anyways.

"Apologies babae. I was simply saying the both of you should leave soon. I assume Leliana will not…"

"While I'm still scared shitless of Nightingale I'm not so scared that I'm gonna leave you alone to anticipate your day."

"Solas, you at least should go to attend to Pahari, you say she was doing better but I'd feel better knowing you were by her side."

"Ar ju inana tarsul" (I will watch over your heart)

"Ma' falon Solas. If even she is that." (My friend)

Solas looked downhearted as he left the dungeons but he needn't worry over me. I had come to terms with what was.

"so babae, if you will not leave me to my anticipation will you distract me"

He jumped when I spoke. I laughed at his surprised and then sheepish expression.

"How about you teach me some of your language?"

That wasn't what I had expected.

"I would be honored. For starters myathem means honored."

"Myafem"

He messes up on purpose. The pronunciation is simple and I spoke clearly. He is trying to lift my spirits.

"Myathem babae. Come now you must at least try"

He chuckles at me fake scolding. I want to lift his spirits as well. We both know what is going to happen. He wants to stop it from happening. He wants me to just tell her whatever she wants to know. He wants Leliana to mind her own and let me go. He wants but so do I and I will persevere.

Solas re-enters the dungeons and hurriedly begs me to drink something. I open my mouth and he carefully pours it in. it tastes awful and I choke twice but he ensures that I don't waste any of it. Then he produces a dagger and hands it to Varric. He clasps his hands over my mouth and I begin to struggle, what is happening? He is speaking to Varric but I am panicking and not listening. My head feels warm and my ears sound like they're full of wool. My whole body is heating up and now my head feels on fire. The dagger digs into my wound and I scream. Tears are trailing heavily down my face. FuCk!FuCk!FuCk!

The dagger is gone and the hand is pulled away. My blood is running down my leg. Like before with Leliana they wait until it goes from black to somewhat normal. A foul-smelling liquid is poured onto a cloth and then stuffed into my wound.

I can't scream, I can't move. My body is on fire and my senses are on overload. I am still crying and Varric is speaking to me but I can't hear him. I can only moan pitifully between mumbles. Eventually they pull the cloth from the wound and pour more foul smelling liquid directly into it before they wrap it tightly. Solas wipes my face and brushes my hair back.

"Forgive me ma' falon. I had to save you." (my friend)

Then he's gone again and Varric is circling me like a mother hen with its chick. I can hear his mumbled complaints about my spiking body heat and inability to support any of my own weight. He finally backs away from me to heavily seat himself in a corner on the floor. It is only a short while before we hear her. Leliana's steps are heavier today, this is a warning. She knows Varric is here and she is letting him know that she knows. When she rounds the corner Varric squeezes my hand but my entire body is numb. I can't feel him as he touches me. I can feel my thigh wound but barely.

"Varric, Cassandra is waiting for you outside."

He doesn't look at me or even speak. My body seems to settle into a state of peace. My sight goes and I can no longer hear. I fall limp, no control over my own body. He walks past her, around the corner and I know he falters on the stairs before leaving.

I've never known a day to have so many hours but whatever Solas did wears off some hours later and I still feel like she has been torturing me for days. She doesn't stop until dawn and when she does, she simply turns and leaves. She returns hours later to begin again when someone informs her that Pahari has woken up.

She looks to me, for a reaction I assume but I have none for her. When she leaves, I will escape. I will leave. I will never look back.

Escape takes a while, magic I hardly ever use. Fire melts the shackles as well as leaves melted iron cooling on my skin. I hit the ground but do not take a moment. I am already slow, no need to make myself slower. I melt the shackles around my ankles and become one with the shadows. Escaping the dungeons is simple. Escaping Haven looks exceedingly difficult as people have already fully woken and are milling about. My progress is slow but I still yet make good time. I have to pass under the bridge and cover myself in freezing snow but I manage. I meet no opposition as I stick to the shadows and the trees. That is until I hear fighting. I simply ignore it as I have the other more gruesome sounds until I hear Varric's voice soon followed by Solas. I make my way to cover and observe until I see the demons begin to overpower their small group.

I have no weapons as I make my way to them. I have no plan. I'm running into a fight for someone I've known for a few hours after being tortured three days straight for a person I loved for years. Yeah, I'm smart. Varric spots me first and tosses a dagger my way as he continues to fight. A scout goes down and I add two more daggers and a bow to my arsenal.

"What took you so long!?"

He can't see the incredulous look on my face as we are back to back but he can feel my eventual laugh.

"Poison, broken bones and a broken heart tend to slow a woman down."


	2. Chapter 2

Fáelán never liked the snow. She much preferred the dessert with all its sand and heat. Unfortunately, it seemed like if it wasn't snowing it was just freezing cold. Some point during the fight it had stopped gently snowing and instead turned into a half blizzard. Ferelden weather always made her wish for Antiva. The weather there was at least mildly warm.

 _We get a reprieve after Solas reduces the last demon to a pile of ashes. I don't even sit, I just drop. Dumb idea since all this damn snow is covering rocks. Pointy evil rocks. My legs won't hold me and my ankles have been screaming at me as the snow and ice quickly froze the metal melted into my flesh. Solas said he'll take care of that when this is all over._

 _It goes without saying that if he dies, I die or if we all die, which is most likely, then that won't be necessary. But thanks for the offer._

"How ya doin Princess?" That particular question pisses me off beyond what I can handle, so I just roll over onto, my front and don't answer.

"Jeez Princess. You're getting blood all over this pretty Ferelden snow."

 _One of the soldiers hadn't noticed me joining the fight. To him, I was still the prisoner that had caused all this death and destruction. When my back was turned, he sliced into me with his short sword. Varric had to shoot him in the hand to prevent him from completely following through with his attack. That is the only thing that saved me as he dropped his weapon and I dashed through the shadows we rogues manipulate so well. Of course, that attack left me slow and a few of the demons have been targeting my wound. My back, even after some of Solas healing, looks I was attacked by a wild cat._

"Fuck Ferelden and its snow." I'd like to believe that I carried any type of attitude with that but more likely I just sounded exhausted. On top of that, I feel, not hear or even see, something coming our way not two seconds later. They don't even have to tell me to get up. I hear the hiss and I'm traveling through the shadows towards my confirmed target. Varric scrambles to his feet as my daggers dig deep into the demon's head.

His face is absolutely comical as he finally readies his crossbow and I sidestep a demon sending it towards him.

I've noticed that no matter how off guard he is, once Bianca is in his hands he's absolutely sure and the danger is real. I keep an eye on him in case he falters but he never does.

Wave after wave of demons come against us and we do our best to push them back. I regret our efforts when we find a glowing swirling portal of death.

… A rift. It's just a rift.

But the implications behind it are supposed to be awful. I've kept it to myself thus far that I've opened one of these before. When I was a child. Apparently, it's a big deal and we don't know how to close them, yet.

This is the first one we've come across and I swear the damn thing is singing to me. It's not the best I've ever heard. Doesn't give off any sense of good or evil. It's neutral, untapped, bland. I get the sense that it's just waiting to be molded into something great. I have an itch to take control of it. Manipulate it. Bend it to my will. I know that I can. I did it once before. I merely have to reach out and take hold of the magic rising from it.

 _But that's why you stopped using your magic. That's why you aren't a mage. You are a rogue. You have magic and you know it but you can't control. Too much to trust the elves or humans with. Qunari would want to imprison you and the dwarves wouldn't be any help._

A soldier goes down right beside me and I remember where I am. Throughout the fight, I get as close as I can to the rift. My proximity makes it act out. The song is suddenly so very appealing. I resist the urge to sing but I do catch myself humming as I continue to end demon after demon. A dalish lullaby to soothe it. It just feels like the right thing to do.

The soldiers' training has failed them and they're dropping like flies. I can't save them. Each man that is cut down, I see their families in my mind. I don't even know these men but for their loved ones. I want to save each and every one of them...but I can't.

A demon is hovering in Solas' blind spot. He's tired. Getting sloppy. I don't doubt him but the thought of him getting hurt…

"Stay away from him!" The scream is sudden and my throat burns. Too much emotion, the magic, my magic… I have to calm down. I have to get to him. Breathe. Hurry. Save him. Do something. I need it. I don't want to. I have to.

I move. My body moves so quickly the force takes my fist through its body and into the chest of the demon. I can feel the beating of its heart. The blood searing hot and trickling down my arm. So I do the reasonable thing. I gently grab that heart and rip it out.

Help has arrived and Solas has headed their way. The fighting is dying down. Varric is staring at me, at the heart in my hand.

"Do elves just enjoy ripping out hearts?"

His tone is joking but I hear that slight quiver. I sigh and look down at this life-giving thing in my hand. I have one of these. Solas has one of these. Varric has one of these. Those I'm protecting but this one? I toss the heart and watch his eyes follow it before he's looking me over. I'm shaking a bit but I doubt he knows why.

"It's fun" I shrug and he relaxes. He opens his mouth to respond and then Solas' voice carries over to us.

"Quickly, before more come through."

Together their hands thrust towards the rift. Pahari, she's doing something to it.

The rift is screaming. Crying out. The sound is deafening and brings me to my knees. It wants me to help but I can't. Like a child that doesn't know how to explain it lashes out. A bolt of magic hits me in my stomach and I double over.

It is afraid, hurting, begging it to stop, then it explodes. Over. The rift is gone. Varric and Solas go speak to Pahari. I busy myself with checking on the surviving men. The one that tried to cleave me in half survived, pity.

The others go quiet and even though I'm not in the mood for this I turn. Cassandra is headed for me. Hand on her blade. Like I'm about to allow her to pull her blade on me.

I sprint through the shadows and in seconds have my blades crossed before her throat. She freezes. One thing I love about being a rogue/reluctant mage. I can draw shadows to my person and just step in and out of them. I can move them however I like.

"New rules. One, don't piss me off."

I see her. Barely a scratch. Not even winded. Looking terrified. Why that upsets me I don't know. She's never been in a situation where I wasn't on her side. She doesn't know who's side I'm on right now.

"Fáelán, let Cassandra go."

 _Nice try. I don't take orders from you anymore._

"princess?" He's using his 'dontmakemetellyoumorethanoncebecauseiactuallyagreewithyoubutimnotinthemoodforanargumentrigthnow' voice.

I let her go. Stare Pahari right in her eyes as I push Cassandra aside. She's scared. She should be. I've made it to her in 5 strides and she only has time to take one step back.

"Two, don't tell me what to do."

I can't do this right now so I scout ahead of them.

-Inquisition-

Varric doesn't exactly know how he feels about the new elvhen woman but he's spent some time with Fáelán so he follows her after a bit more conversation. No reason he can't enjoy the breather they're getting. He doesn't have anything to say about the fact that all of the soldiers have followed her, leaving the three of them behind.

He does have something to say however when they finally catch up to her group. One soldier carries her limp body in his arms as the rest surround the two of them. They made it pretty far but another rift is in their way and no one is opening the gates until it's gone.

Solas surges past the demons and into the soldiers' protective circle. Would have been nice if he'd told everyone else that was the plan. Not that it would've been a good plan with Varrics' shorter legs. So instead Varric gets to work distracting the demons alongside Cassandra and Pahari.

-Inquisition-

I am terrible when it comes to grammar. I honestly need someone to read behind me often and check. I'm sorry for any difficulties you had reading this first chapter. This won't be in first person the entire time. I plan to switch points of view several times and play around. There is a bit of an extensive history behind my character that I will be revealing bit by bit so just wait for that. I did not intend to leave the translation where it was but I did and I'm not sure I'm going to worry about correcting this chapter. The next will just hopefully show improvements. I'd appreciate any and all research assistance. I love the history and background of topics honestly more than I like writing it all out. I appreciate blunt, honestly, please never hold back as long as what is being said can actually benefit. My first message to you was sort of a quick I didn't really read what you said thing. I skimmed. I've had time to actually go over your review and thank you. I do hop e we can help each other out.


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